I am lost

最近每晚都訓得唔好, 每次驚醒都唔想接受呢個結果, 好耐都冇試過咁長時間一個人獨處, 番工, 放工做野, 現實係你冇機會停低好好咁豪哭, 好好咁大叫, 換來的係係每個人面前裝著自己冇事, 係忙姐, 我好努力去支持住就來散曬的自己, 但每晚番到屋企, 只係得兩隻貓同一間空屋, 開始覺得間屋好大, 慢慢覺得壓力向自己迫近, 我知道我冇野可以做, 每次想做好只會弄巧反拙, 我好無助, 我好想求救, 我根本唔會有心情工作, 日日不停咁麻醉自己, 洗曬所有野來工作, 但有空檔的時候, 回憶就會一次過湧曬出來, 我唔知道幾時會變成咁, 我真係好大意, 心情同突然知道自己有末期一樣.........我好想念朋友, 好想念家人....我好想用一切方法來填補呢個空隙, 每次再睇個blog, 我每次都更加傷心難過, 今天又忍不住, 我真的很脆弱, everything is fading off ......and I am still in here, when the love is gone, it turns to anger, and anger turns to madness, madness turns to chaos, and finally I am lost, things start blurry, I don't want to be alone, I just want her back, but every time... I speechless when I read the blog over and over again, maybe this is the hardest time in my life, I cant move forward, I cant look back, and I .....stuck in the middle, I cried like a baby today, I can only accept the result....... I hate to say goodbye today, soon or later, those memories, things would be my missing parts for the rest of my life. What can I do?